It’s tough to find love. For introverts, it can be especially tough, since introverts often take a while to figure out if they are interested in a person, and find the whole ‘dating routine’ a bit much. Online dating is terrific because it offers a way to meet people in a low-pressure environment and on your schedule.
This guide contains tips and suggestions for the shy so that they may boldly go to cyberspace, find a soul to bond with, and, hopefully, love.
Understand What You Want
To your parents who are American or Asian, beauty often equals white – so if you happen to be white, you’ll find the dating pool wider. Personally, I recommend taking some time off from online dating to get clear about what you want, before immersing yourself to the dating sea.
Reflect on Your Goals
What Do You Want?: Are you looking for a serious relationship, a homosocial friendship, or something else? Knowing what you want will help you pick the right matches.
What are your non-starters? This is an indication of what you consider dealbreakers—the behavioral or trait qualities that are a no-go for you. It will save you time and emotional stress in the future if your deal-breakers are clear from the outset.
What Should She Be Like? What qualities are you looking for in a partner? List the things that matter most to you in a relationship – what should she be like, personality-wise and in terms of interests?
Thinking about these things should help you take control of the situation online.
Create a Genuine Profile
Your online profile is, after all, your first presentation, on one of the very first face-to-face dates you will ever have. So do yourself a solid, be real. If you’re still asking ‘is Seeking Arrangements safe, really?’, then the primary answer is how you declare your best self in your profile. How legit you will be as a user of any dating platform might largely have to do with whether you decide to be real and, if so, in what ways. For the introverted, being real can be a major strength and protection. You will attract the people who are interested in your best self – and, ideally, you will also be able to navigate any dating platform more safely and meaningfully.
Tips for Crafting a Genuine Profile
Own who you are: be honest about the things you like. List these things so people see. If you enjoy reading, nature walks or nights on your sofa watching recorded episodes of Jersey Shore, say so. This attracts people who like the same things, the ones who appreciate who you really are.
Include Clear and Honest Photos: Pick a photo that gives potential matches an idea of who you are. Don’t use a photo of your boobs or your abs. While we have all tried those weird, contorted photos that we think are cool, the image of you from last night’s date drinking a Budweiser and looking like a maniac should not make the cut. Ideally, your face should be displayed, but don’t go overboard. Avoid using bad filters and wide-eyed smiley photos. Also, don’t have a photo that’s too old, or don’t include six photos of you from two years ago when you had long hair.
Add Some Depth: Stating ‘I like to hang out with friends’ is all well and good, but no one will remember it. You need a small descriptive paragraph on your profile. Tell us what you are passionate about, what makes you happy, or one interesting fact about you.
Take Your Time with Conversations
Introverts relish in-depth discussion; steer clear of superficial, meaningless chitchat. Convey genuine interest in getting to know potential dates when you connect online and allow yourself time to develop chemistry.
Strategies for Meaningful Conversations
Don’t ask yes or no questions: Instead of asking ‘Did you sleep well last night?’ or ‘How are you feeling today?’, ask open-ended questions. This way, you get more details, and it feels more real.
Don’t hide what you feel or think – put yourself out there and be genuine. And that will help you make friends.
Don’t Try To Meet Too Soon: While some folks might be ready to meet in person soon after they have an online relationship, introverts like to take it slow. Get to know someone online before you decide to meet. Waiting to meet in person will help lower your anxiety and will make you feel stronger.
Set Boundaries and Manage Expectations
As an introvert, it’s vital to stick to your guns and manage your energy and comfort during this process; you owe it to yourself, and to anyone you wind up connecting with, to make it a comfortable situation for you both. When the relationship becomes too intense and more intimate than you’re ready for, you pull back. When it’s dull and safe, you call it a day. Finding the right balance for you can be instrumental in any dating process that feels forced and unfulfilling at best, and dangerous and repulsive at worst.
Tips for Setting Boundaries
Be Up Front About Communication Expectations: If you prefer texts to calls, or need an hour to reply between appointments, say so and get it all out in the open early on. This establishes ground rules and sets clear expectations to keep both of you from making assumptions about each other and blowing things out of proportion.
When to draw the line: End the conversation or say no to a conversationalist/date if it feels off. If it feels wrong, it probably is.
Don’t overcommit: if you swipe for two different matches pitched on the same day, don’t accept both of them or you’ll be rushed and exhausted 5. Be mindful of your time: limit the number of matches you engage with at any one time to prevent each from feeling rushed.
Choose Low-Pressure Virtual Dates
Particularly if you’re an introvert, the prospect of that first face-to-face meeting can be kind of nerve-racking – say, ‘Let’s video-date for a few weeks before that coffee!’ Instead of spending a fortune on a huge screen with zero-point-zero-per-cent body fat, how about a pair of glasses? Technology offers an alternative, low-pressure way to get familiar with someone, without having to break sweat before that all-important first face-to-face meeting. It gives you an opportunity to test-drive your date and assess your compatibility all from the safety of your sofa.
Ideas for Virtual Dates
Music-Inspired Video Call: Instead of a traditional video call, why not share a favorite story or activity that you enjoy, for example, preparing a meal together; preparing some snacks and beverages; or making it a movie night.
Play an Online Game: Try playing a co-op or multi-player game online – this is a fun way to connect without having to talk the whole time.
Suggest something that you could be doing independently while on the call: go pick up a book and start reading at your place, maybe even sketch something, and then holler if you have any questions for them. This is another great way to have a meaningful conversation without having to look each other in the eye the whole time.
Practice Patience and Self-Care
If you are an introvert, dating online can sometimes feel stressful. It is important to stay patient and prioritize self-care during the whole procedure.
Self-Care Tips for Introverts
Allow yourself to quit when you are overwhelmed: Sometimes it’s good to think of an online-dating site as a dating exercise circuit you’re doing to become more physically fit. Analogous to the mere two minutes of doing sit-ups or jumping jacks, the actual nature of the exercise is irrelevant as long as you keep doing it to achieve the desired results. If online-dating becomes overwhelming, it is OK to take a hiatus. Standing up straight, stretching and breathing can also help you feel more physically and mentally fit. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.
Bravo smaller victories: make sure you applaud yourself for a good conversation or overcoming your shyness. Take pride in moving up one more rung of the ladder.
Be yourself – do not try to become an entirely different person just to please someone else, which will not happen in the end anyway.Your personality will attract the right kind of people who love you for who you are.
Conclusion
Online dating generally has huge potential for an introvert (as long as it is not pursued with an aggressive strategy). You have to know what you want; you need to create a sincere profile; you have to take your time with the conversations; you have to set boundaries. (And you certainly have to practice self-care.) It is about eliminating the ‘must’. This is supposed to be a fun and unpressurized journey. It’s supposed to feel good. It’s about finding love – which you might find online. And when you do, you will find it because you have been patient enough to be yourself.